Every Step Of The Way
by foreverchasingthedream
Summary: Michelle and Carla have been friends for years, but this is Michelle's thoughts on that friendship.
**So I'm sure that everyone out there has that one special friend who means the absolute world to them, I know I certainly do. Therefore I guess this is more of a representation of us all but from Michelle's perspective on her best friend. Hope you enjoy, please leave your thoughts :)**

Michelle POV:

Carla Connor.

To most she is a hard hearted cow with a dirty giggle. She is tough and takes no prisoners, she doesn't need anyone, she's invincible.

That's not the woman I know.

To me she is a vulnerable woman, a woman who is so broken on the inside, so desperate to be loved, so in need of attention and yet so incredibly strong.

But she is no ordinary woman. She is my rock, my constant. She is my best friend.

Without her I wouldn't be who I am today, I wouldn't have the courage or the strength, I owe it all to her.

We've fought together, lost the ones we loved most together, we've laughed together, but most of all we've been through it all together.

I remember the days when I hated Carla. She was the smelly girl with the scratty hair from the rough side of the estate. She had a mother who didn't care, her dad was nowhere to be seen, her clothes didn't fit and she was far too gobby. She was everything I wanted to avoid. She was everything I didn't want to be associated.

We went to the same school. I'd seen her around, mostly hanging around behind the bike sheds, or standing outside a classroom she'd been kicked out of. She was two years above me. Whenever I saw her I kept my head down, she was always threatening to beat people up and I didn't want to be on the receiving end of that.

She was the school bitch, you either got on her good side or kept out of her path.

The day our Paul brought her home was a shock. She sat on our sofa put her feet on the table and kept chewing her gum with her mouth wide open. We didn't know what to think, I tried to warn our Paul but he wouldn't have it. He saw something in her that very few others had... For now.

The more she was round at ours, the more I began to warm to her. She was still scary but there was something else there.

I remember once, I was home alone and she turned up looking for Paul. Her cheeks were stained from crying, her eyes bloodshot, her hands shaking. I did all I could do for her at that moment. I held open my arms and held her tightly. She fell instantly into my arms and began to sob her heart out. Her legs gave way beneath her and there I was, stuck with the girl I hated, comforting her.

It was that evening. That was the evening that changed everything.

That evening she talked to me. Really talked to me, she opened up to me about things that she never had to anyone else before. She told me her darkest secrets. The secrets that were hidden only under the sleeve of her top, the secrets that only ended at the bottom of a bottle.

She had confided in me and that changed everything. I saw her in a new light.

From that moment on she was no longer the loud mouthed troublemaker. She wasn't just my brothers girlfriend. She was someone who I cared about. She was the strongest person I knew. She was my friend.

For weeks after that night she avoided me, she'd only be round when she knew I was out. I was lost with this, I thought we were friends and yet she didn't want to see me.

I know now. She was ashamed and scared. Ashamed that she'd been weak enough to let somebody in, let them see the scars of her mind, let them see the truth.

She was scared about what would happen, scared that I'd tell people about who she really was. But I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that to her.

As the months rolled by we started to talk more. She'd sometimes come round to ours but not to see Paul, to see me. We'd have girly chats about pointless things; boys and fashion. We'd have dark chats about; our pain or deepest darkest thoughts. We'd have optimistic chat about; the future and where we'd be 10 years from now.

Those were the chats I most enjoyed. I was beginning to see just how much she hated her home, her life and everything it stood for. She needed to be away. I could see it, but when she spoke about her future plans it made me smile. There were days I worried she wouldn't make it out to her future plans. But she did. We both did.

As time progressed she left school, I left school. Her and Paul moved in together, I had Ryan, they got married, they had a business, things were going well for us all. Or so the world thought.

She told the world she loved Paul, but I could see the truth behind it. I could see that she'd had to marry him because she needed his safety net, an escape from her home, a home she hated so very much. I knew she was using my brother but she was my best friend by this point. I couldn't tell Paul. For Carla's sake I couldn't. I couldn't be the reason she ended up back on that estate.

As dysfunctional as their relationship was it worked for them. They moved to Weatherfield, they had a nice flat, Underworld was doing well. It was all she'd ever dreamed of and no matter what else was going on seeing my best friend so content was all that mattered.

Over the years we'd grown so close. We were best friends. We were sisters. When she hurt I hurt, when she smiled I smiled, we'd cry together and laughed together.

Over the years we've lost so much together. I've lost both of my big brothers, my big brothers who loved my best friend. As awkward as the set up was, we found our way around it. She meant so much to the three of us in so many different ways, each a love that not one of us was prepared to give up.

We stood together at their funerals. We held each other and cried. We comforted one another. We shared the same loss, we knew what each other needed.

When fought on so many occasions, we've scrapped in the street. Like the time I blamed her for Liam's death. Blamed her for covering for Tony. I was angry. I regret that. She was scared again. She didn't know what to do. She needed me, she needed me to be there for her but I wasn't. I shouted at her and pushed her away.

After that it took us years to rekindle our friendship, but we did. Of course we did. I needed her and she needed me.

She invited me to work at Underworld. We were together in her office, it was like being at school. We were like a couple of teenagers, we'd sit there giggling and gossiping before she let me go off to what she knew I'd always dreamed of. Singing to an audience every night. I felt awful leaving her in the lurch but she didn't mind, she didn't mind because she knew this was all I'd ever dreamed of. We knew each other's dreams and we'd never stand in the way of each other.

During my time away I wasn't there for her. I wasn't there for her when she needed me most. After Frank had attacked her she needed my support more than ever. Just someone to sit and hold her whilst she cried. But again, she made herself out to be too strong to ask for help. I'd have been back in a second if I'd known. I should never have left her to go through such a thing without me.

I wasn't there on the day she tried to kill herself. I will always carry around that guilt. At that time she needed someone to let her feelings out on, someone who wouldn't judge, someone who knew her best, and I wasn't there. If I'd been there that day I might have been able to help her see the light, to see that there was a future worth fighting for. But I wasn't there.

I'm so eternally grateful that she failed in her mission to kill herself that afternoon. Even the thought of it brings tears to my eyes. I don't know what I'd do without my rock, my best friend who has never let me down, my best friend who is the only reason I've fought through my hardest days. Without her there is no me, she is the half that completes me.

As the years have passed we've faced so many battles. Battles that we've overcome together.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my best friend.

We've lived together, we've worked together, we've pushed each other away, we've fought together but no matter what happens, it's all been together. She is the one that has shown me the light in darker days, she has comforted me as my world has fallen apart, she has saved me more than once.

I admire her, she's stronger than any human being I know. She's been through far more than any human should. There's days when I sit across the bar from her, when we're sharing a bottle of her favourite red and I wish for just a moment I could take away her pain. I can see all of the pain behind her emerald green eyes. A pain that she only shows to a few, but a pain that is all too real.

But despite it all I wouldn't change a moment. I wouldn't take back a single tear we've shed, all these tears have brought us to today. There are times where we might go a day without speaking, but not a day will go by when I won't worry about her, not a day will go by when I'm not grateful for everything she's done and her continual love and support to me, not a day will go by when I'm not so proud of her, proud of how much she's achieved and how far she has made it.

What ever happens

"I'll be behind you every step of the way"

 **Dedicated to Hannah Jordan, love ya :)**


End file.
